Rules for effective communication

Effective Communication can improve and deepen relationships. It involves active listening.  We are given 2 ears and only 1 mouth for a reason. People want to be truly heard and understood. Only when this occurs does the person feel cared for; and in turn can trust you and have a connection with you. If they feel heard, then they will be more likely to listen to you. This forms a cooperative dynamic relationship.
“Rules” for Effective Communication

• Start on a positive note. Say something positive about the other person. 
• Be open-minded to new ideas. This allows you to grow as a person.
• Be empathetic. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. From their viewpoint.
• Listen to understand - not to react, judge or give advice/opinion unless asked for.
• Be authentic and honest. Say what you mean.
• Avoid assumptions and finishing their sentence for them.
• Be fully present, no distractions. Choose an appropriate time and location so you are not     rushed.
• Watch your tone. How you say it is just as important as what you say.
• Avoid accusations and starting the sentence with “You”.
• Avoid “should” – it sounds like you are preaching.
• Never say “never” or “always”. It comes off as you are attacking the person, which will get you no where fast.  
• Avoid sarcasm.
• Body language-make eye contact, nod, relax your body, be open. Ex. Arms down by side opposed to being crossed.
• Speak clearly and concisely.
• Paraphrase what the other person said for clarification and understanding. This shows you care and are really listening.
• Take your time speaking and take time to absorb what the other person said. You don’t need to immediately respond. Silence is not the enemy. Think about what you want to say. Will it help the situation? Is it kind? Once a word is spoken it can never be taken back.
• Be sure to not interrupt the person. The person speaking can hold an object till their done. Then the other person can ask questions and speak.
• Keep your end goal/objective in mind. Don’t lose sight of the reason for the discussion. Clarify to the person what you are hoping to get out of the discussion.
• No one likes to listen to someone who is constantly negative, complaining, judgmental, making excuses, exaggerating, always has to be right, always giving their 2 cents and being spoken down to.
• If tensions and emotions run high, take a break and reconvene at a later time.
• Limit conversation to 1-2 topics.
• Let go of grudges from the past. No need to rehash what has already be done. You can’t undo it. Move forward.

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